Things There Are

There are thirty-seven tic-tacs in a container of tic-tacs. Should you care? Of course not. Why did I tell you? I don't know. I just thought you should know.

There are things I want to do that probably will never happen. Like climb Mt. Everest. And go to Antarctica. And fly (superhero-style, not in an airplane or something). And win an Oscar. And win the lottery. And be struck by lightning (which would probably suck, but would also be an awesome story to tell if I survived).

There are more people on the planet than need to be here. People who aren't doing anything with their lives or being productive or interesting should just go crawl into a cave and die. It would ease the strain on our planet's diminishing resources.

There are twenty-six letters in the alphabet and seventy-eight keys on my keyboard.

There are bugs outside. And inside for that matter, but there are more bugs outside than there are bugs inside.

There are things that I haven't talked about yet that I won't ever talk about, and I would provide examples of them here but then I would actually be talking about them and then they wouldn't be good examples anymore. What a crazy paradox.

There are too many applications on Facebook. It's almost becoming like MySpace. I hated it when I would go to somebody's MySpace page and annoying music would start playing and I had to go find where the button was to stop it but there was too much other stuff cluttering their page and I couldn't find the music player, then there would be too much stuff to load and my browser would crash, then I'd have to quit and remember not to go to that person's page anymore because it would make my browser crash, then I would stop talking to that person as much because their MySpace page was bad, then I got so fed up with Myspace that I deleted it and started using Facebook exclusively, then Facebook started reorganizing and I didn't like it when they added the news-feed and mini-feed features because it was really creepy, then they added gifts, and I was like, "Wow, Facebook is turning into MySpace," and people started tons of groups for anti-news-feed petitions and then people got used to it, then the Facebook people started adding applications that people could put on their pages and then I was like, "Wow, Facebook is totally turning into MySpace all over again, only more so," and other people were like, "Yeah dude, I totally agree," and we had a party except it wasn't a party but more like a little gathering where people stood around and talked about how Facebook was starting to resemble MySpace, except we didn't actually ever do this and now I'm pretty much just rambling on in one really, really long sentence that doesn't have too much of a point.

There are lots of words in that sentence.

There are seventeen syllables in a haiku.

There are things that I could write about that I'm not going to write about right now because I don't feel like writing anymore.

Life's a Bitch, Then You Die

Some people believe in God. Some people don't. Some people believe in the afterlife, and some people don't. Some people believe in truth, and some people don't. Some people believe that they exist, and some people don't. Some people believe that there is good and evil, and some people don't. I don't care what some people think. I believe that life's a bitch, then you die.

Yeah, maybe it's a little pessimistic. But as far as I'm concerned, that's what's going to happen. It's going to happen to everybody, including me and you and those Bible-toting, pro-life, you'll-go-to-hell-for-your-sins Christians and those crazy, dope-smoking, tree-hugging, Volkswagen-bus-driving hippies and your parents and those philosophers and cancer patients and small dogs and world leaders and your ex-girlfriend/boyfriend and the lone hermit in the woods and famous celebrities. And that's what happened to Jesus too, if he actually did exist.

Why am I writing this? I don't know. Mortality sucks. I probably wouldn't want to live forever, but living as long as you wanted to would be pretty sweet. It could be useful because you could do whatever it is you wanted to accomplish, provided you didn't die in a gruesome accident beforehand, then you die a fulfilled life, and not worry about dying unsatisfied.

This is depressing. I'm done.

On Convenience

How much of what we do is decided by how convenient it is to do at the moment you think of doing it? For example, I would probably go to the bathroom right now if I didn't have to stand up, walk to the bathroom, and pull down my pants in order to go pee. Instead, I am continuing to write about what is convenient, because it is more convenient to sit and write than get up and relive my bladder.

I'm going to go out on a limb here and say that everybody is lazy. The extent to which people are lazy is different, but I doubt that there is a single person who wouldn't be in some variation of the same conundrum as I am right now. I don't have to pee that badly, and in order to pee (in a toilet), I'd have to walk well over a hundred feet, simply to get to the bathroom. The case can be extended to other situations where peeing is not a high priority, but still a need/desire. 

For example, imagine you are in a movie theater, watching a new, thrilling, engaging movie. It seems like it's going to end soon, and you need to pee relatively badly, but not to the extent where you're going to pee in your pants. What do you do? If the movie is interesting enough, you wait it out and pee on the way out, when it's convenient. You're not disturbing the movie, the bathroom is more or less on the way out of the theater, etc. These examples are relevant only to establish that everybody is lazy and does things that are convenient.

What are things that we do only when they are convenient? As I've already mentioned, peeing (as well as pooping and other bathroom activities) are things of that nature. Another thing is eating. People eat meals at the 'proper' time because it's convenient. Yes, most people get hungry around mealtimes, but people without food also get hungry in the middle of the desert at mealtimes, but they don't eat then. Why not? It's not convenient to eat if you don't have access to food.

Communication is something people only participate in if it's convenient. If you were camping out on a mountain peak and your friend was on a nearby mountain peak, but the only way for you to communicate with him (or her) was to build a big fire and send smoke signals, my guess is that you wouldn't talk to him (or her) all that much. Conversely, if you're sitting in the same room as your friend, you'll probably have a conversation with them, simply because it's so convenient (and you like the person). 

So what is convenience? First, it is a noun. It has eleven letters; five of them are vowels, while the other six are consonants. It is closely related to 'convenient,' which is the adjective form. Other related words are 'conveniently' and 'convene' (not really, but whatever). It means that you don't have to go too far out of your way to do whatever it is that happens to be convenient. It's easy. Not a problem. Can do. All that kind of stuff. 

Where am I going with this? I don't really know. I'm guessing that you didn't just actually go looking for this blog, since that would not be the most convenient way for somebody to find it. I think it's more likely that you found a conveniently located link from another webpage to this one. You bum. You're hella lazy.