Poop is produced as your body digests the nutrients it ingests. It is what you ate for dinner, after some number of hours in your digestive tract. It is usually brown, and it usually smells pretty lousy. My guess is that the reason for this foul smell is an evolutionary development to deter us from eating our poop and getting sick. Gross, but logical. Things that taste, smell or feel bad are usually bad for you. Like poop. And boiling oil. And rotten eggs. And spoilt milk. And poop mixed with rotten eggs and spoilt milk, which was then deep fried. I've never tried it but I can almost guarantee that you won't like it.
The Bristol Stool Scale is used to classify your poop into levels of density and firmness. It ranges from one to seven, one being small, hard lumps and seven being entirely liquid. The ideal range is from three to four. You can Wiki it if you really want to. There's a chart with diagrams and stuff.
A gold toilet would be pretty cool. It would not, however, be comfortable to sit on, since gold is a good conductor and it would be very cold. Therefore, a gold-plated toilet would be even better, because it looks just as good as a gold toilet and it weighs less so it's easier to install and it costs less so you could actually afford it and it wouldn't be as cold when you sat down on it. Although if you could afford a solid gold toilet I'm pretty sure you could also afford a built-in toilet seat heater or a person to sit on the toilet to keep the toilet seat warm for you.
Before you die, you should go poop somewhere with a beautiful vista in front of you. This requires being outside, and most likely without a toilet. But I can tell you from experience, it's pretty sweet. I saw a beaver once when I was taking a dump on a rafting trip. It was interesting. My suggestions would be places like the Grand Canyon or on top of a cliff somewhere. Rivers and lakes are usually nice too but you have to be far enough from the water so that you won't contaminate it with your excrement.
I enjoy reading while sitting on the toilet, but it usually results in me sitting on the toilet for a considerably longer period than what is necessary for me to take care of business. I don't know if it's because I'm a slow reader or a fast pooper, but it is truly an art to finish a piece of reading and a poo at the same time. It's a shame, it is.
By the way I hope none of this is weirding you out. If it is, I didn't mean any harm. You can stop reading any time you please.
Spicy foods are not pleasant after digestion. Apparently capsaicin isn't digested or processed very well.
I don't know if this is true, but I have heard that girls from the age of twelve to twenty-five will spontaneously combust if they go to the bathroom by themselves in a social situation. From what I have observed, it is entirely true, because I have never seen a girl go to the bathroom by herself. I've also never heard about anybody spontaneously combusting but fear of spontaneous combustion seems like a good reason to always go to the bathroom with other girls.
I don't know if it's just me, but when I produce a particularly long turd I am proud of it. It's not something I can show off or anything, but it's a good feeling. Sometimes it merits a moment of admiration before it is flushed away.
This is getting a little weird, even for me, so I think I'm done. Happy pooping!
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